


The Christmas Wish

by jdmusiclover



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Christmas, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-25
Updated: 2020-12-25
Packaged: 2021-03-11 00:01:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,789
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28325748
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jdmusiclover/pseuds/jdmusiclover
Summary: 5x21 Canon divergence: Emma struggles to find joy during the first Christmas season since she had to leave Killian in the Underworld.  She turns to an old Enchanted Forest tradition during a particularly difficult moment.  Can a Christmas wish upon the Christmas tree star bring some light back into her life? Mild trigger warning for a character mourning the death of a loved one. For the Captain Swan Secret Santa 2020.
Relationships: Captain Hook | Killian Jones/Emma Swan
Comments: 4
Kudos: 25
Collections: CSSS2020





	The Christmas Wish

These last three months had been the worst, the hardest and the most painful of Emma’s life. No contest. She wouldn’t wish this pain on her worst enemy, not even on the worst villain they’d ever faced.

Three months ago today she’d left Killian in the Underworld after promising to go on with her life, after promising not to put her armor back on.

In the first few days, her time had been occupied with the battle against Hades. Like with every villain they’d faced, it had taken a team effort, all of them, all of the Nevengers, as Henry liked to call them, working together to find a solution with the least collateral damage they could manage, but they’d succeeded in the end. What was even more amazing was the fact that they’d definitively defeated Hades without losing any of the heroes (although Robin Hood had only narrowly ducked out of the way before being hit by the Olympian Crystal.)

The town had held a huge victory celebration in Granny’s after Hades’ defeat, and Emma supposed she should feel some sort of satisfaction at their victory, but all she felt was…empty.

Without Killian, it was hard to force herself to even get out of bed in the morning. Turns out losing your true love felt a lot like having your heart pulled from your chest, only the pain never went away, never stopped, never seemed to lessen.

She tried her best for Henry’s sake, for her parents, who were clearly worried about her, for the promise she’d made Killian, but it felt like she was constantly alternating between aching sobs and white hot anger. She tried to comfort herself with the thought that Killian had, no doubt, moved _on_ , and that she’d join him one day when her time came, but it was cold comfort when she had to climb into her empty bed every night.

Everything reminded Emma of Killian. _Everything_. Maybe one day the memories would be a comfort to her, but for now, they were like a dagger to her heart.

Emma had started going to see Dr. Hopper once a week, trying to work through her grief. He told her she was doing well, that she was grieving in a healthy way, but if this was what healthy grieving felt like, she couldn’t imagine the dysfunctional kind.

Emma took a sip of her cocoa and looked up at the beautiful Christmas tree in the front room of the home Killian and Henry had picked out for her. Her parents, Regina, Robin, Zelena and Henry had shown up at her doorstep this morning with the tree, all the decorations, and everything they needed to make enough Christmas cookies to feed the town. They’d insisted on bringing her Christmas cheer and brightening up her life with the sights and smells and tastes of the season.

“I know this holiday will be hard for you, honey,” Snow said, giving her a big hug after they’d finished and everyone but her parents had left. “I remember those first few holidays after my mom and then my dad passed. The joy and excitement of everyone around me felt like a slap in the face.”

“How did you bear it, Mom?” Emma asked through her tears, which had started falling yet again. “I’m trying to be strong, I’m trying to go on with my life, but it feels like a part of me–a vital part–is just….gone, and I don’t even know how to function.”

Snow caressed Emma’s cheek. “You let yourself feel what you’re feeling, and you give yourself time. You lean on your family and let us help you. I don’t want you to ever feel like you need to stay strong for your father and me. If you need to cry, cry. If you need to break down, break down. We’ll be here to hold you, to give you whatever you need.”

She had finally broken down then, sobbing for what felt like hours in her parents’ arms, but when her emotions were spent, she had to admit she felt a little better. It had been cathartic.

“Thanks,” Emma said, finally. “For the tree and the cookies and everything. It really is beautiful.”

David pulled her toward him, hugging her to him and holding the back of her head. “I’m glad you like it. Enjoy it if you can, treasure the good memories.”

But after her parents left, it didn’t take long before the pain returned. She’d been looking so forward to the first Christmas she and Killian would spend together as a couple. She’d looked forward to all the firsts they’d have, looked forward to introducing him to all this realm’s traditions. She’d looked forward to making Christmas memories and traditions of their own.

But that, all of that, had been stolen from her, from them. 

Emma looked up at the top of the tree, at the bright, shining star. Her mom had told her that in the Enchanted Forest, they’d had a tradition of making a Christmas wish upon the star on top of the tree. It was said that if your heart was true, your Christmas wish would be granted.

 _What the hell; couldn’t hurt_.

“I wish–” she began, having to stop and clear her throat, will away the tears that threatened to overwhelm her again. “I only have one wish. I wish he was back here with me.”

She waited, but nothing happened. She hadn’t expected it to, but somehow it still felt like a betrayal.

Emma turned from the tree, threw on her coat and nearly sprinted out the door. Suddenly her house felt stifling, the tree, the decorations, all of it was too much. She had to get out of here; _had_ to be with him, even if “being with him” now consisted of standing before his headstone.

It was a beautiful evening, the wind calm, the snow glistening in the last rays of the sun. He would have liked it; he’d always had a fondness for snow, though she told him she thought he was crazy for it. She smiled through her tears as she rounded the corner and then stepped through the arches into the cemetery. She remembered the day he’d coaxed her out in the snow with him. She’d been miserable. It. Was. So. Cold! But he’d been as excited as a child, and somehow his joy had been infectious.

It had always been that way with him. He brought her comfort and joy whenever she was with him, had since the very beginning, if she was truly honest with herself. That’s why she’d been so cold and distant to him at first. It scared her how much he made her feel.

She stooped down before his grave, laying a flask beside the flowers her mom had no doubt left. “Hey, I thought you’d like this more than roses. Thanks for the pages. Hades…Hades he’s gone now. It’s done, so I hope you’re in a better place. I know I should be happy about that, but it just feels like now you’re really gone, and there’s nothing left to do but just–”

The sobs threatened to overcome her again, but with a force of will, she pushed them aside.

“I miss you.”

For long moments she remained there, looking down at the stark letters of his name etched on the headstone. She should have something else engraved, shouldn’t she? She should say something about what a true hero he was. Somehow, nothing seemed appropriate. How did you sum up how much someone meant to you, to everyone he met, in a few short words?

The twilight was quickly fading into night before Emma decided there was nothing for it but to go home. She’d no more than turned away from the headstone, when a sudden whoosh, a rush of energy passed over her.

What the hell _was_ that?

“Swan?”

Her heart stopped and then began pounding. It couldn’t be….could it?

She whirled around, not daring to hope, not daring to believe, but when she was once again facing the grave the most beautiful sight she’d ever seen met her.

_Killian!_

She raced to him, leaped into his arms, her lips connecting to his in a desperate kiss. Oh gods, if she was dreaming she never wanted to wake! She’d missed him so much–the feel of his scruff against her face, the soft, silkiness of his hair through her fingers, his taste, his smell. _Him_.

She pulled away, resting her forehead against his as the tears–happy tears this time–streamed from her eyes.

“How are you here?” she asked through her emotions, before surging forward, kissing his cheek, his mouth, any part of him she could reach.

He laughed joyfully. “It was you, love, your wish,” he said in between kisses. “For some time, Zeus has been looking for a way to reward us–all of us–for our part in defeating Hades, but until today his hands were tied. King of Olympus though he be, there are immutable rules surrounding the Underworld.”

“Wait…what?” She asked, before diving in for more kisses. “Nevermind. I don’t care how you’re here, I’m just glad you’re back.”

They remained standing before his empty grave, one kiss leading into another as night settled in around them and the snow began to fall.

“I am, Emma,” he said finally. “I’m back, and I’ll never leave you again. Never.”

She laughed, cupping his cheeks and bringing him down for yet another kiss. “I’m going to hold you to that.”

Emma took his hand, leading him back to her home–his home too, she hoped–her heart feeling so full it might burst, as he exclaimed in wonder over the Christmas tree whose lights twinkled merrily in greeting.

“I have so much to tell you; so much to show you,” she said, laughing in pure, incandescent joy, as they sat together on the couch before the tree, holding each other close. “Killian, you’re going to _love_ Christmas!”

He smiled down at her, before leaning down and taking her lips yet again in a long, slow, achingly deep kiss. “I’ve no doubt I will, Swan, but for the moment I have more pressing matters on my mind.”

“Yeah?” she asked. “Like what?”

His grin turned mischievous. “Like moving our reunion to your bedchamber where I can properly–or rather, _not-at-all-properly_ –show you just how much I missed you and precisely how glad I am to be home.”

She laughed, taking his hand and leading him up the stairs.

Her Christmas wish had given them a second chance, and she was determined that she wouldn’t waste a second of it.


End file.
